Struggle

2012-01-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

As much as I love working with kids and earning a living, I miss academia. I used to pour a lot of research and writing hours into my essays, and enjoyed publishing one or two as well (but of course none of my favorites were ever read by anyone outside the university - so it goes). I found a couple online for your reading pleasure if you came here, as you usually do, to learn about some serious business.

The Crisis in the Niger Delta
http://www.scribd.com/doc/20849562/Volume-II-Issue-I-Spring-2009
(page 3)

Communism Nostalgia and Communist Chic in Poland
http://www.humanityinaction.org/knowledgebase/62-lost-and-found-communism-nostalgia-and-communist-chic-among-polands-old-and-young-generations
(This is a co-written work by myself and two European students serving as a culminating paper for a month-long study abroad program in Warsaw, Poland).

4-year-old knock knock jokes

2012-01-27T10:44:00.000-08:00

Boy: Knock knock.
Girl: Who's there?
Boy: Vampire Smelly Pants.
Girl: Vampire Smelly Pants who?
Boy: Soulja Boy!

A Tasty Friend

2011-11-22T12:01:00.000-08:00

Teacher: What did you do this weekend?
4-year-old: I went to a birthday party.
Teacher: A friend's birthday party?
4-year-old: Yeah.
Teacher: What is your friend's name?
4-year-old: A birthday cake!

"Jesus, Lady"

2011-11-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

7-year-old-girl: How old are you?
Me: I'm 25.
7-year-old-girl: Jesus, lady, you better get married!

I want to be a Princess

2011-11-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

4-year-old-girl: I want to grow up to be a princess!
Me: I don't know if we have princesses here in America. You could be the president.
Girl: No, we have princesses.
Me: We do?
Girl: Yeah.
Me: Do we have a princess who rules our country?
Girl: No, princesses don't rule.
Me: What do they do then?
Girl: They yell at their mom.
Me: Is that all they do? Yell at their moms?
Girl: You're wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday.
Me: **shame**

Double dare

2011-10-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

Teacher: Can anyone think of some good school rules?
Girl: Don't hit.
Teacher: Right. Anyone else?
Boy: You shouldn't dare people to do things like dare them to jump over a big fence and into a prison yard, and to get passed all the guards just to see what's in there.
Teacher: Okay. Anyone else?

"I'm from Germany!"

2011-10-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

Girl: I'm going to beat you all!
Boy: No you ain't!
Girl: Yes, I am! And I'm going to beat you all up!
Boy: Nu-uh!
Girl: Yes I am! I took karate for one year, and I'm from Germany! I know karate and I'm from Germany! And Germans are stronger than all other people!

"I just like to play with the blocks..."

2011-10-13T12:48:00.001-07:00

8-year-old boy: No one here knows my birthday. We're very mysterious. It's a secret, and no one knows.

me: The office has everyone's birthday. I bet I could find it.

boy: No, you couldn't. We're always changing schools, staying secret. You don't even know how many schools! You don't even know where we live. I don't even live in my house. I sleep at the school, and no one knows.

me: You just climb into the attic and hide there all night? With the rats?

boy: No, I sleep right there, on that shelf, on top of the hand wipes.

me: So that's why your head always looks so clean and smells like Purell! Do just rub the hand wipes all over your body instead of take showers?

boy: Yup.

me: Do you clean your teeth with them too?

boy: No, I brush my teeth with the rats.

me: What do you do for dinner?

boy: I eat the rats too.

me: Mmm, rat kabobs.

boy: And I eat paper too.

me: Maybe you could wrap a rat up in paper and make a burrito.

boy: They think I get on the bus after school, but that's just my fake clone.

me: A decoy?

boy: He's a paper cut-out of me, and he goes to my home. He just goes into my room and doesn't come out.

me: Your parents don't realize it's just a paper cut-out? What happens at dinner time? Does he eat?

boy: Eat? What's a robot doing eating? A robot doesn't eat.

me: Oh, so now you have a robot clone?

boy: Yeah, I've always had one.

me: This all sounds very complicated. Why do you not want to go home? Why stay at the school? Do you just love school so much that you never want to leave?

boy: Nope.

me: Then why go through all this trouble?

boy: I just like to stay here and play with the blocks.

Did you know....?

2011-10-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

4-year-old girl: "Did you know, that there was a season finale of Lego Star Wars, and I watched it with my brother, and then I passed out and peed ALL OVER my big pig?"

4-year-olds

2011-09-20T15:28:00.001-07:00

Teacher: Today is a special day, class. It's somebody's birthday today. Can you guess whose birthday it is?

Girl: Yellow!

Guess what...?

2011-09-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

4-year-old girl: Guess what?
me: What?
4-year-old girl: Did you know, that my mom gives me food, every day?
me: Wow. You're mom sounds awesome.

"They call me..."

2011-09-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Child: My brother's name is Tracey, my other brother is named Stacey. My name is Casey, but that's not what I'm called at home.
Me: What do they call you at home?
Child: Punchy!

Oh, children.

2011-03-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

Me: How many branches of government do we have?
Student: Like, maybe 3 or something?
Me: Right, 3! The executive, legislative, and judical branches.
Student: Jesus, how do you know all this stuff!
Me: I learned it in school.
Student: (blank stare)................WHAT?!!?

more fun quotes from work

2011-03-07T18:32:00.003-08:00

Boy: Did you ever fight over a boy?
Teacher: Heavens, no! Never fight over someone you like. It's not worth it. There are lots of different boys and girls out there for you, so fighting over just one is stupid. There are lots of fish in the sea.
Boy: You mean like Stephen King?
Teacher: Wha - ???

Tom Robbins - the great word artist

2011-01-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

Religion was an attempt to pin down the Divine. The Divine was eternally in flux, forever moving, shifting shape. That was its nature. It was absolute, true enough: absolutely mobile. Absolutely transcendent. Absolutely flexible. Absolutely impersonal. It had god and goddess aspects, but it was ultimately no more male or female that it was star or screwdriver...The Divine was beyond description, beyond knowing, beyond comprehension. To say that the Divine was Creation divided by Destruction was as close as one could come to definition. But the puny of soul the dull of wit, weren't content with that. They wanted to hang a face of the Divine. They went so far as to attribute petty human emotions (anger, jealousy, etc.) to it, not stopping to realize that if God were a being, even a supreme being, our prayers would have bored him to death long ago. The Divine was expansive, but religion was reductive...With hammers of cant and spikes of dogma, we crucified and crucified again, trying to nail to our stationary altars the migratory light of the world. Thus, since religion bore false witness to the Divine, religion was blasphemy. And once it entered into its unholy alliance with politics, it became the most dangerous and repressive force that the world has ever known.

From Skinny Legs and All

A Star Is Born

2010-08-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

Well. Not really. But I was on province-wide television here in Shandong, China. The headmaster of our school knows the director of this show that is similar to the US “Gong Show.” It is a ridiculous show that’s more, in my opinion, about the judges and making people look silly than finding real talent. I mentioned how it would be awesome if I got on the show one night while watching it, and sure enough, strings were pulled and I had 2 days to prepare something.

But they told the director I could dance. That was the first thing.

I performed some pieces for my American friends who’ve lived in China for a while, and they said Chinese people would love my opera, any song I could sing in Chinese, and My Heart Will Go On. I didn’t have time to learn a Chinese song, so I tirelessly prepared some opera, My Heart Will Go On, Walking After Midnight, and Can’t Hurry Love. Found the karaoke, edited the tracks to be around 2 minutes, learned all the lyrics, and even made some mixes of both opera and pop music that I thought would be pretty entertaining!

The instant I got into the studio, the director pulled me to the stage, got about 4 people to watch me who also worked for the show, and said, “What are you singing? You can dance, right?” I said I had a couple options for songs, and of course (being Chinese), they rushed me. “Which one? Which one!?’ So I went through them, showing them first Ojos Asi by Shakira, a belly-dancing sounding fast pop song in Spanish.

I started to sing it to them when they said, “Show us your dancing!” So right there on the floor in front of 5 suspicious eyes I did some hip rotations and belly waves that I learned in my 30 minutes of belly dancing classes I had in 2005.

“Good. Good.” They said with serious, nodding heads.

“But!” I interjected. “I have other songs!” I put on the opera and started singing. I didn’t last 20 seconds.

“We like the first song. Show us your clothes.”

I take out the best clothes I had. A blue clubbing top and long black pirate pants. They were not pleased.

“Show us your shoes.”

My really old black high heels. I never noticed how scuffed and worn out they were before that moment. I shamefully felt my femininity in question.

“This is ALL you have? What size shoe are you?”

I told them my shoe size, they had a 2-minute freak out, and then I never heard about the shoe issue again.

But they did have some clothes for me.

A sparkly, shinny, puffy bottom, short, sleeveless dress. I looked like a bridesmaid from the 50s, or a 15 year old Mexican girl going to her qincinera party. It was not sexy.

But sexy is what they wanted. She took me to the stage and gave me some moves and poses. She turned on the music. “Now,” she said. “Dance.”

I tried to walk sexy, I tried to sing well, she kept shouting, “Sexy!” So I do more hips, more butt, more whatever, and lose my breath after only 30 seconds.

“Don’t worry so much about the song. Just have fun, be sexy. Dance!” I tried to explain that I was not a good dancer, and that if I tried to be super sexy I’d made a fool of myself. “No,” she said, “You are very sexy. This dress is sexy. Your hair will be up and long and sexy.”

The dress. It was impossible to be sexy in that dress. It puffed out after the waist so you couldn’t see my hips or butt move. I felt like I should sing a 50s Diana Ross mix, not Shakira. Finally I told her that the dress was nice, but I couldn’t be sexy in it. I either need a new outfit, or a new song. After about 15 minutes of arguing and a couple young Chinese guys on my side (“Dude, that is NOT sexy”), she agreed to let me wear a plain red dress I had stored in the bottom of my backpack. She didn’t like how it wasn’t shiny, but she relented.

She told me to practice my dance moves in the hallway. Meanwhile, she talked to Ryan in secret, telling him he should propose to me on TV. He said no way. She kept pushing it but finally said ok, he doesn’t have to, but was not pleased and swore him to secrecy about the conversation. He immediately came to me to tell me all about it.

That was a good decision.

After stressing out about the dancing and trying to figure out how to be sexy while not looking stupid and how to sing a fast song for 2 minutes while dancing fast, I decided to do whatever she wanted during the rehearsals, but that once the cameras were on I’d just dance a little and not worry about sexiness. I did the poses, I did some moves, I moved around, but I did not dance too much.

Then it was time for make-up and hair! That was fun. The other contestants stared at me the entire time. The artists wouldn’t use the hair clips I bought specially for the event. The director told me to say some things on the show. “When the host talks to you, tell him you like Jackie Chan, and that the host is not so handsome, but that he is lovely.” She practiced with me so my Chinese was ok, but I really had no idea when to say it or why I was going to call the host ugly. But she was letting me say I liked Jackie so I accepted it.

Time for the show! I finished the entire song, and didn’t do too badly, but it wasn’t the greatest performance ever. And I won $80 (I think – still haven’t gotten it). Then the host said some stuff to me, I said my bit to him, and then he told me to sing some opera. I chose Memory from Cats, and that went over really well. Much better than the Shakira song.

Then Ryan, who just wanted to watch from the audience, got pulled on stage. Before he got on the director said, “Just say you love her!” “Fine,” he thought. Of course, everything in China escalates beyond control in the matter of seconds, and his short “I love you” ended up being a mock kung fu fight with the host and a pressure to propose to me.

“Christine, I hear your boyfriend wants to propose to you!”

See why it was a good idea for Ryan to have told me about this before?

“You can propose now, Ryan.”

“Ummm…..”

I panic and say in Chinese, “Oh, I don’t know. Later! Later!”

For reasons I don’t understand the audience clapped and we got to leave. We immediately left the studio and didn’t look back. Ryan was not too happy with the proposal bit after he clearly told them not to do it beforehand, and I was sick of the place and the people there.

I was glad to get on the show, I actually enjoyed being on the stage, but it was obvious the show was completely controlled by the director and not at all by the performers. Maybe that’s show biz in China. Maybe that’s show biz everywhere. It was an interesting experience in the best state of mind, and an excruciatingly frustrating experience in the worst. We both had a little bit of both states of mind throughout our 8 hours in the studio.

That was last week. As of now 2 people have recognized me on the street and a Chinese friend I had in high school saw it and called my school up asking for me. Not too shabby!

Well, now that you know the back-story, here’s the clip:

http://v.iqilu.com/content/index/306552

Mindful Eating - By Christine

2010-07-28T04:20:00.001-07:00

My love asked me why
I was staring at the cheese,
Why I smiled at the lettuce,
Why I relished breaking eggs.
My boyfriend asked me why
I took so long to make dinner,
And why I ate so slowly.
“Are you trying to get thinner?”

I explained it was no diet,
Nothing Oprah tried to sell me.
It was simply what was proper
When carving up a turkey.
It’s right to take some time, slow down,
And contemplate his life and death.
His meat I eat gives energy to these lungs,
So I offer him a thankful breath.
By cooking and eating slowly
And silently
It’s not to be weird or to be a bore.
It’s to take time to make my mind
Not see a just a leg of meat,
But so much more.

I continued:
On my cutting board I see the Sun.
That which holds us in orbit
At just the right distance
And fed these cucumbers I chop into pieces.
These greens to prepare require the Sun,
And I see that condition and existence are one.

Gently placing mushrooms in hot olive oil
I’m sautéing the world in a non-stick skillet
With a spoon made of stars,
Steam rises to my face,
Soaking it with volcanic vapors
From prehistoric Hawaiian islands.
The whole universe is working, right now,
To give me life.
I must remember the cosmos
That imbue this body and this brain with vitality;
They are staring right at me in this bowl of spaghetti.

I stare right back for a minute, drop all other things.
Even a cupcake is the remains of ancient kings;
I scatter the sprinkles on top
As delicately as I would their ashes on a tree.
That their works did not contribute to this snack,
There is no guarantee.

Before my first bite from a bowl of rice
I marvel for a moment.
I owe gratitude to countless beings
For each spoonful.
Trillions of organisms decayed
To bring forth fertile soil—
I eat their rotted corpses.
Millions of farmers toiled to master
The technique of growing rice—
I eat their sweat.
Businessmen manage the packaging and shipping
That brings rice to my grocery store—
I eat their college tuition.
With every grain I swallow,
I eat the precious universe.
I eat the sum of all that ever was.
So I take a spoonful and hold it on my tongue,
Breathing deep;
For there’s no greater crop
Than what the knowing stillness reaps.

He asked me then:
So if this rice you eat so tenderly
Is all the world to you,
Then what does that make me?

I answered:
In your eyes I see the Sun.
That which made the food grow
That you needed in your belly
To grow those long arms
With which you first held me.
This life of ours requires the Sun,
And I see that condition and existence are one.

What do you get when you combine a massage, Jackie Chan, and a boat? Last weekend.

2010-07-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

Don't get too excited. None of these things took place at the same time.

After having lunch with our host family Friday afternoon, I expressed my desire to get a Chinese massage. Immediately afterward, they took me to a massage parlor downtown. $10 for a 70 minute full body massage? Don't mind if I do!

They left me with a guy who took me back to my little room, he pinched his shirt and shook it up and down a little bit, supposedly motioning me to undress. He closed the door to give me privacy and I did just that. Only thing was, there were no sheets on the bed, and no towel. But there was this big brown blanket. So I thought, "Maybe they just don't use sheets here. Unsanitary, but whatever. And I guess I'll lie down and put this big brown blanket over my butt and wait for the masseuse."

And so I did. But when the lady came in, she looked surprised. She started talking to me in Chinese, and of course I had no idea what she was saying. God, what did I do wrong now? So I sat up, naked and covering my shame with this blanket, and she's trying to tell me what I did wrong. She points to her clothes and stares at me.

I try to say "I don't have," but of course I screw up and say, "I don't want."

She leaves the room.

Realizing my language mix-up I shout out the door, "I don't HAVE!"

In China, most massage parlors also act as minor prostitution rings. You've heard of the Chinese massage "happy ending," right? Well, seeing as how I specifically asked for a woman masseuse despite their parlor's normal policy, got completely nude when I wasn't supposed to, and then told her I didn't want any clothes, I don't want to think about what she thought I wanted.

She came back with some silk pajamas and bed sheets and then we started the massage.

Good thing too. Full body really does mean full body! Head, arms, legs, thighs, butt, stomach, back, neck, and hands. And they go HARD! I hurt really badly after but then the next day I felt pretty good.

I had a boat party to go to the next day. My friend who speaks fluent Chinese arranged a small 15 person boat to drink, eat, and go fishing on. On our way there in a taxi, a Jackie Chan song came on the radio. "Turn it up!" we demanded, and up she did turn it. Cruising down the highway, seeing the sights go by, Jackie Chan music blasting, felt pretty cool.

The good times were over quickly though. We ended up waiting 2 hours for the rest of the group on a street corner, and once everyone did show up, everyone started freaking out about money because some people decided to buy $80 worth of liquor for the group and wanted reimbursement.

Of course we didn't get picked up and had to walk with all our beer, water jugs, watermelons, and duffel bags across a bunch of construction for about 30 minutes.

The boat was the most ghetto thing I've ever stepped foot on. Creaky, disgusting, made of rotting wood, rusted. Everyone thought it was absolutely perfect.

The captains quickly broke into the booze. They started pouring us drinks and making us do shots: "Gan bei!" ("empty your cup") they cried about every 3 minutes.

Then they threw out the anchor in this bay area with oil rigs all over it. Really, we're going to fish here? It was no surprise that no one caught anything in that toxic water.

After a lot of drinking, the group decided it needed to go swimming. "Take us somewhere we can swim!" We demanded.

"No! You are all too sunburned," he kept saying.

It was only about an hour later that we realized the boat was broken, and that's why he wouldn't take us anywhere. However, every time we asked about what was wrong with the boat, they ignored us. Typical.

They tore up the floor boards, pulled metal chord with their hands, hammered in and out the rudder wheel. But of course nothing was wrong with the boat.

So there we sat, in the rain, for about 4 hours. I nursed some sea sickness while others drifted away into a boozy slumber below deck.

They called over a 3 man fishing boat, who eventually refused to tow us.

Then they called over a boat our size who agreed, but not before the captain handed over a couple cases of our beer to them!

Very long story short, they got us back to shore, but they refused to dock until we paid them the full amount. We woke my friend up (the master of arguing) and she drunkenly yelled at the captain, telling him there's no way we'd pay full price after he drank and gave away half our booze. He didn't agree, but he did ask for her to tutor his daughter in English and offer to dry her off with a wash cloth.

After agreeing to pay half on the boat and the other half when we docked and talked to his boss, we got back on dry land. The "Lao ban," or boss, agreed that we didn't need to pay full price and then we all ran away and pocketed the extra money for food later that night.

Then we got cake and pizza! Expensive, but yummy!

Chinese Restaurants

2010-07-08T03:16:00.000-07:00

We had some humiliating fun this afternoon at restaurants in Qingdao, China. We can read maybe 10 or so Chinese characters that are about food. So we were thinking we'd just go to a restaurant and try to look up the food on the menu and order something that didn't seem gross. You know, for educational purposes. It felt like it should be so easy.

So we sat down, menus already on the table, and the waiter came with a pad of paper. Ryan ordered a beer and I ordered a Coke without much incident. But he didn't leave. He was waiting for us to order food right away too. We tried for about 15 minutes (and with 4 different waiters) to explain that we need some time. Finally, I said in Chinese the winning sentence to convey this: "Right now we don't know what to eat."

Then we proceeded to try to translate the menu. Not much luck. Ryan knew the word for "head" so we avoided anything with that. Otherwise, we were pretty much out of luck. Waiters kept coming and speaking to us. Finally, after about 30 minutes, I looked at the people next to us and asked, "What is that?" It didn't look so bad and I was getting too hungry to find something in my dietary plan. I reached over the people and pointed to their food: "This!" And then pointed to the menu: "Where is it?" They pointed to an item on the menu and I said, "I want!"

2 minutes later a waitress came out with a pot of hot water (no tea though, just hot water) and a bowl of pieces of meat in sauce. "Ok," I said.

"I want rice."
"No rice."
"Oh."
"We have ??????"
"Ummm. Ok."

Then the lady came out with some dough in a bag for me. I paused and examined, and after a while just said, "Ok." She took it back and I felt relieved that she was going to bake it. But of course she didn't. She put it in the microwave. Plastic bag and all.

I dug into the meat dish. Bones. And lots of em. But this wasn't the first time I had had to eat around hundreds of tiny bones in a Chinese dish so I wasn't surprised. What did surprise me was when Ryan said, "I see the head."

Sure enough. Beak, eye socket, skull. Later we found the spine and feet. Ryan didn't eat any more after that, but I kept eating. I got a second order of hot dough in a bag.

To give it credit, the flavor was not bad. But it really wasn't what I saw those other people eating. I wrote it down to ask someone else later what kind of bird I ate. We suspect pigeon.

So we paid our $4.50 and went on our way to find Ryan some food. Not feeling so adventurous anymore, we went to a place called "Pizza Loves Donburi." They had pictures! And English translations! And the pictures and translations were of pastas, milkshakes, pizzas, and pies! Well, I was already full from my bowl of heads so I got a strawberry milkshake and Ryan got some beef and rice dish. In the end, the price was the same as at the other restaurant! About $5. We shall remember this place.

Before they brought the food they told us the amount on the bill. I said okay. They brought out another pot of hot water. Then a waitress came up to us and started talking. We had no idea what she was saying. I got the feeling she was asking about tea and what kind we wanted. Of course! That's why they kept bringing out pots of hot water. They expected us to order tea with every meal. I thought she was asking what type I wanted and I said, "I don't know. The best!" She said, "32 yuan" (about $5). "Oh, no thank you. Umm." After more awkward stares we said, "We don't want. We don't need." She got really confused and got some more waiters to help. "32 yuan," the next waiter said. "No, no. Too expensive." They looked more confused. In English they said, "Food, 32 yuan."

"Oh!" And we paid them.

I pulled the waitress aside before she could leave. I tried to ask, "This water. Why?" She didn't understand. "It's tea, right?" "Uhhh." She looked even more confused.

I tried again in my limited Chinese. Literally, I asked, "The water, what to do with the water?"

She replied, ".....You drink it."

"....Oh. Ok, thank you."

After laughing really hard while listening to the girl also laugh with the others in the kitchen, I recalled that Chinese people don't like to drink cold things with hot food. So maybe they drink hot water. Also, maybe it was tap water and they boiled it first then brought it right out after it was safe to drink.

Anyway. No one here speaks any English, and with my very, very limited speaking abilities (and 0 reading abilities), its hard to get what you want. But it's good for lessons in humility and for laughs after the fact.

Poems from Borges

2010-01-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

Si pudiera vivir nuevamente mi vida. En la próxima
trataría de cometer más errores. No intentaría ser tan
perfecto, me relajaría más. Sería más tonto de lo que
he sido, de hecho tomaría muy pocas cosas con seriedad.
Sería menos higiénico.
Correría más riesgos, haría más viajes, contemplaría
más atardeceres, subiría más montañas, nadaría más ríos.
Iría a más lugares adonde nunca he ido, comería más
helados y menos habas, tendría más problemas reales
y menos imaginarios.
Yo fui una de esas personas que vivió sensata y
prolíficamente cada minuto de su vida: claro que
tuve momentos de alegría.
Pero si pudiera volver atrás trataría de tener
solamente buenos momentos.
Por si no lo saben, de eso está hecha la vida
sólo de momentos; no te pierdas el ahora.
Yo era uno de esos que nunca iban a ninguna
parte sin un termómetro, una bolsa de agua
caliente, un paraguas y paracaídas; si pudiera
volver a vivir, viajaría más liviano.
Si pudiera volver a vivir comenzaría a andar
descalzo a principios de la primavera y seguiría
así hasta concluir el otoño.
Daría más vueltas en calesita, contemplaría más
amaneceres y jugaría más con los niños, si tuviera
otra vez la vida por delante.
Pero ya ven, tengo 85 años y sé que me estoy muriendo.

If I were able to live my life again,
next time I would try to make more mistakes.
I would not try to be so perfect. I would be more relaxed.
I would be much more foolish than I have been. In fact,
I would take very few things seriously.
I would be much less sanitary.
I would run more risks. I would take more trips,
I would contemplate more sunsets,
I would climb more mountains,
I would swim more rivers.
I would go to more places I have never visited.
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans.
I would have more real problems, fewer imaginary ones.
I was one of these people who lived prudently
and prolifically every moment of his life.
Certainly I had moments of great happiness:
Don’t let the present slip away.
I was one of those who never went anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute.
If I could live over again,
I would go barefoot, beginning
in early spring
and would continue so until the end of autumn.
I would take more turns on the merry-go-round.
I would watch more dawns
And play with more children,
if I once again had a life ahead of me.
But, you see, I am eighty-five,
and I know that I am dying.

overheard some funny kids

2010-01-27T15:01:00.001-08:00

Exchange between a Mexican and Israeli kid:

Mexican: Are you Jewish?
Israeli: Yes.
Mexican: Wait a minute. Do you hate Hitler?
Israeli: Uh...
Mexican: I mean, like, if he were right here right now, all tied up, would you shoot him? Would you shoot him for what he did to your people?
Israeli: I don't know...
Mexican: I totally would! If he were messing with my kind like that? I'd be all like, "BANG, you stupid Hitler stay away from ma tacos!"

So Long. Farewell.

2009-11-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

The vets next door had some kittens up for adoption. Cuteness ensued.

We released the bears. That was fun.

Then Meg and I had to clean all the bear poop from the bear cage. That was not as fun. Keep in mind we had been feeding 5 huge bowls of food to 7 bears for 4 months in this cage, and it had never been cleaned before this.

Then we released the eagles on route to Madison. Here I am releasing a Red tailed hawk.

I left the center while we had some strange characters. Here is a pet a friend of my boss couldn't care for during his vacation. He had a familiar chirp.

The kittens. Both with eyes open now, Black and White will soon go to a good home.

And of course, my boss and Meg.

Minocqua left me with some pretty scenes, cool experiences, a lot of knowledge about wildlife, different points of view, and a feeling that small towns can be pretty nice. It sure beat the job I have now. How I already miss that up nort' livin'.

Eagle Mania

2009-10-04T17:52:00.000-07:00

I picked up this beauty yesterday:

We got another one in today with a broken and bloody wing. We had to kill him, though.

2009-10-02T19:13:00.001-07:00

Well. One of the mice started convulsing and then died. Then we tube fed the loon and we found him a half hour later face first in his bowl of minnows with barf in his mouth. He's quite dead.

2009-10-02T17:59:00.000-07:00

I pretty much became obsessed with Culver's Pumpkin Spice Malt. It is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted. Deciding that buying them at every cravetous whim was a waste of money and plastic cups, I found out how to make my own. And it's delicious: http://www.ctlcolfax.com/maltrecipes.htm

A lady came by today and said, "I have some bear for you."

"What?"

"Some bear. We shot a bear, skinned it, and are going to give it to you. It's not full-grown. Maybe 100 pounds"

"...okay."

So I had to carry an entire and whole skinned bear from her truck to our freezer. At least they drained most of the blood.

We got in a very sad loon around 6pm. He had fishing line wrapped all over his beak and tongue, we think he swallowed a hook, and we removed a hook and more line from his wing. If he doesn't eat minnows on his own tonight we'll have to tube feed him somehow. He's not even lifting up his lead by himself.

We also got in 2 baby Deer mice. They are just opening their eyes and are fully furred, so very cute!

I picked up a bald eagle today from about an hour out of town. He has a shoulder problem but he's young so here's hoping he makes it okay.

We got in a baby deer the other day. It was only days old, and very, very skinny, maybe only 5 or 6 pounds. I tried to bottle feed it but he wouldn't take any. Unfortunately, he died.

We also got in a white porcupine. He's not albino, just a genetic freak. Everyone is raving about him. He's a local celebrity by now. He'll be released this week.

Updates

2009-09-26T13:25:00.000-07:00

Our Bald eagle that we've been tube feeding the past two weeks just died an hour ago.

I got to use a flame thrower to clean a cage.

We released the loon.

Our turtle is dying.

...correction: dead.

...and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

2009-09-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I did not win the annual Minocqua Wife Carrying Competition, but we did finish, and I wasn't dropped. Good job, Ryan!

I ran through water and sand with 140 pounds on my back and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

We are still tubing the Bald eagle. He is still throwing up, smelling bad, and being really sad overall. But we've started to force feed him some venison. Let's hope he can keep it down.

All the baby mice died and we released 6 deer, 3 coyotes, 4 Great Horned owls, 1 fox, and 1 squirrel, so the center is getting pretty empty. We've had a couple new additions, but nothing that requires too much work. We spent a lot of time these last 2 days cleaning all these cages of mouse and rat parts, caked-on poop, pellets, and feathers. Gross.

fox release

We got a new loon who was caught in fishing hooks and line. He will call back to you if you whistle like a loon. We have to feed him over 100 minnows a day just to keep him quiet. He has quite the healthy appetite.

loon!

We also got a raccoon that we think may have distemper, but hope it doesn't. The thing about raccoons is that they are these balls of disease, basically. 86% of raccoons around here carry a roundworm called Baylisascaris that can easily transfer to any mammal, including us humans. If you come into contact with raccoon feces, you have a good chance of contracting or spreading the worms to other mammals. Eventually, these worms burrow through our systems looking for raccoon parts and end up burrowing into our eyes (making us blind) and, eventually, our brain (making us dead). Since baby raccoons require so much handling, we are not allowed to rehab baby raccoons for this reason. Adults, however, we do rehab, but have to be extra-super-for realz-careful with everything raccoon-related. We need to put their food and water bowls in boiling water every day (the worm eggs are only killed by being burned) and use doctor's gloves when going into their cages. Just more things for me imagine crawling on and within me while I lay awake in bed.

But it's so cute

2009-09-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

There is definitely something alive in my room...

Oh, God. It's scurrying.

My Favorite

2009-09-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

We euthanized my favorite patient today, the Barred owl.

a quick and painless death

He was a cool bird. They have the most piercing eyes, in my opinion.

"furry" legs and feet

We got a Bald eagle in yesterday. He's pretty sad, kinda lethargic, and ungodly stinky. When you open his room a terrible funk hits you like a red-hot bowling ball to the face. We've had to tube him 2 times a day. He bit me. Now my finger smells too, and it's bleeding.

Last night Meg and I had to tube him all by ourselves. I picked him up without problem and the tubing went well, but right at the end he threw up about a fourth of what we gave him. Our boss said that was common for dehydrated birds, so no worries.

So far he's not improving, but as long as he doesn't have West Nile virus or die from a lack of will to live he should be releasable, since he only has a slight shoulder luxation.

sad

Well, Look What The Cat Dragged In...During Ma Supper!

2009-09-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

These Deer Mice are really great. The best thing about them is you have to feed them at 8AM, 11AM, 2PM, 5PM, and 8PM, drop by drop, slowly, so as to not kill them. But that barely tops the fact that you need to rub their genitals with a warm, wet towel after feeding them so that they'll go to the bathroom. This is cool too: you can tell if you've fed them enough by looking through their transparent skin and organs and look to see how much milk has entered their bellies. Oh, and usually they die before they get to grow up and get fur and eyes and stuff. So it's all worth it, really.

We have 2 out of 5 left. Stay strong, little survivors.

Updates

2009-09-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

So that animal was not a baby mole. It was an adult shrew. Oops.

One of the hummingbirds died.

My sad little chipmunk has died.

One of our Red tailed hawks broke his thumb so we had to put him in bandages and a small cage.

We also lost some more birds who only stayed the night - they either died or Mark put them down.

Bur all our squirrels are doing just fine, and we got another baby one.

Mole-y Mole-y!

2009-09-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

We got a baby mole today. But he died on the exam table.

We also got a finch, but he died over night.

The chipmunk ain't doing so hot. He's pretty sad.

15-hour workday fun

2009-09-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

We were welcoming a basically work-free nighttime schedule, as the only "baby" left was this one little squirrel who took 10 minutes to feed at 8pm.

The baby flying squirrel

But then the flood came. I answered the first phone call at 6pm.

"I found a baby squirrel, what should I do?"

I call my boss and he says to have it brought in. Of course, these people aren't willing to bring it. They have to work the next day and they are from, God bless it, Rhinelander, which is a whole whopping 30 minutes away. So they make me call about 10 volunteers, asking them if they will pick up this squirrel on a Saturday night. Finally someone agrees.

10 minutes later I get another call. It's another baby squirrel. I say bring it in. Of course, they just can't tonight and can't I come get it? As if we're some sort of ambulance service. So here I go again (of course not remembering which volunteer drivers I had already called that night) trying to find a driver. Someone takes the job.

I hang up the phone and before I even lift my hand from the receiver it rings again. It's the police. A woman, they tell me, is going to be bringing in a woodpecker.

"Okay."

So this woman and her two little girls come in with this plastic bag. The woodpecker is inside it. I quickly bring it to the exam room and shut the door. As I try to get it out of the bag it lets out a death cry. Those poor children probably thought I was torturing it. It wouldn't stop screaming and I just put it in a cage since I was alone in the center and couldn't examine a bird on my own quite yet. I call the other intern and tell her to come back to the center asap because I'm waiting for squirrels and don't know what to do with this woodpecker. We try to examine the bird, but she is very feisty. We drop her about 6 times and finally determine that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this animal. Sure enough, she could fly and we released her the next morning.

I get another call around 8:30pm. A woman has found a chipmunk in the road who is acting funny. She agrees to bring it to the center. A half hour later she calls back and says she can't get him into the blanket because he is too squirmy.

"Fine. I'll come get him."

She tells me she's on Highway D and I trust I can find that. She assures me she was only 15 minutes from Minocqua, but it takes at least a half hour to get to her. I take the chipmunk and drive him back. We give him some steroids. He acts strangely, stumbling, losing his balance, falling over, dozing in and out. We suspect he was hit by a car. He is still not doing so hot today. And, he has a huge bug living inside his belly. We pull it out. It is the size of his foot:

The last squirrel comes around 9:45pm. He is just a baby so we feed him some water and electrolytes, put them on a heating pad, and then head up to bed around 10:30pm.

They all survived the night!

We got an adult squirrel today who was not as fun to behold as the baby squirrels the night before. His face was bloody, there was blood in his mouth, he kept tipping over. We don't know what happened to him, but he has survived the day and is looking better and better as the day goes by.

getting ready for food

We spent at least one hour today listening to children's songs about moose and bears and looking up youtube videos of of hammer dulcimers, at my boss' request.

"My paw's bigger than your paw!"

In between the dancing, youtubing, moose impressions, and receiving and catching new animals, we still fed the usual patients. I fed the Great-horned owls:

The hummingbirds:

And many others. Three more days of work and then I go to Madison for a couple days off. I'm pretty stoked about sleeping in.

Odds and Ends

2009-09-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

We've released some animals: a loon, a hawk, a Barred owl, a deer mouse, and a squirrel.

Go, little Deer Mouse. Go!

We've also killed some animals: a hawk and a nighthawk.

We are feeding the Great-horned owl real food now instead of tubing him. When I go to give him his mice every morning her greets me with a very grateful expression:

I've been filling up the Bald Eagles' water tub lately, which requires me to sit with the hose in their cage for about 10 minutes at a time. They don't like it very much and those that can fly circle around me the whole time, and those that can't fly jump and run around, complaining vocally.

Hali and her 4 "adopted children"

The young Bald Eagles

Hali and a youngling who can't fly well

I've also been feeding the barred owl a lot lately. He's one of my favorites.

yum

"What, no ketchup? "

I went to a lumberjack show on my day off in neighboring Woodruff. You know a place doesn't have much to do when they boast that their main attraction is a huge penny:

"Woodruff Wisconsin: Home of the World's Largest Penny"

But it was really fun. Even more fun than the display of a huge penny.

Gone!

2009-09-01T13:04:00.000-07:00

The Chimney Swift has been released! No more birds to force feed every hour!

Blunders, Bird Tackling, and Dog Parties

2009-08-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today I made a lot of mistakes. No one here knows. But I did.

After about 4 people spent an hour cutting up 30 apples, 15 pears, 2 cantaloupes, a bag of grapes, 20 plums, 20 peaches, and measuring and dumping in 52 cups of dog food, 6 cans of cat food, 3 bags of corn, 20 ounces of fish and 20 ounces of venison, I took the 5 bowls of food out on a wagon to go deliver the meal to the bears and tipped the whole damn thing. Only one bowl's contents was left intact. I picked up as much as I could (it was hard to get 52 cups of dry dog food out of a pile of leaves and wood chips). I gathered what I could and gave it to the bears, who fought pretty viciously over the muddy, once-appetizing-looking fruit and meat.

pre-spilled bear food

I was also told to clean our adult squirrel's cage. I had never done it before, and he is a feisty little thing, so I was a bit apprehensive. Every time I opened the door to remove his dishes he tried to escape. All I needed to do was open the little door, get the food out, and close it. The rest of the cleaning would be easy since it had a slide-out bottom in which to place new newspapers. Well, I couldn't even do that right, because on my third time trying to get out his food dishes he jumped out of the open door straight into my face. He bounded off my horror-struck expression and onto the unsuspecting raptor patients' cage bars, and from there into an unoccupied but quite bird-poopy cage. I grabbed him, fearing he would bite me and we would have to put him down (as is the rule with all mammals), and threw him back into his cage like a Frisbee. He seemed offended. His normal behavior would be to inspect me and play about, but at this time he hid in his den box, only to return 30 minutes later when I replaced his nut tray.

the hooligan

I also did some things right today. I caught my first bird. A Bald Eagle. I had to hold him for about 5 minutes while someone replaced his bedding, which was quite the forearm workout. I also caught, held, and tube-fed a Great-Horned Owl. He was found starved. I didn't do so well with keeping his beak open, but I was pretty good at getting my fingers painfully clamped down on.

a Great-horned owl

We also released the last 3 bunnies we had today.

Last night I was going to go to sleep early, but instead my boss, Mark, invited us to his "dog party." He apparently has quite the heart for big dogs. He has 7, and as far as I could tell he has 5 Leonbergers. They are very cute, and very huge.

His house is about a half hour drive from the rehab center - straight into the woods. His nearest neighbors are 3 miles away. The land is beautiful. We missed the party, but got to meet his wife, dogs, and one of his friends, and his dog. He gave us a tour of his "alternative energy house." It is solar powered, and he is not connected to the "grid." He powers up a bunch of batteries from his solar panels, and has a generator for back-up. His energy bill is about $400 a year.

Mark's battery-powered house

He took us to his backyard, which is a a huge lake. Absolutely gorgeous. We stood out there in the cold for about a half hour doing bird calls, lisening to owls, looking at the stars (saw a shooting star), and laughing as one of the dogs went swimming repeatedly. We got home late, so again I did not get very much sleep.

Tomorrow is the last day any summer interns will be here.

Tomorrow = Sleep

2009-08-26T19:31:00.000-07:00

Only 4 days in a row of this job and I already feel burnt out. The main rehabilitator explained to us that he made 31 cents an hour the first couple years of doing this work. He made around $23,000/year for working 364 days out of the year, 105 hours/week. It's 9:30pm and I just got off work, unless someone calls or brings in an animal. No wonder the burn-out rate is 5 years on average.

I was trained in the education program and front desk stuff today, which was a nice break from chopping fruit and trying to feed squirmish squirrels with eye droppers.

daily bear food

My hands are destroyed. I have developed the habit of applying Neosporin to them about every 20 minutes and every time I get my hands wet. The combination of the squirrel scratches, constant washing of the hands, dish washing, citrus juices, Virkon disinfectant spray, and latex gloves have done quite a number on my already-not-so-eligible-to-be-featured-in-hand-model-photo-shoots paws.

Jason, a much better squirrel-handler than I, feeding a red squirrel

I much prefer to watch them eat their food themselves.

Dive bomb

We got in a very sad Bald Eagle last night. He was cut up in a few places, was missing some primary tail and wing feathers, and his feet were incredibly deformed. Mark looked at him today and decided to put him down, which was no surprise to us. It was a sad little ending, his body was fighting the injection pretty hard there for a couple seconds.

I'm going to glove-train a resident animal so we can use it in future education programs. That's pretty exciting to me. I already got a chance to try it out with our Long-Eared Owl, Leo. He is a stubborn little guy, but he is pretty cool, I think.

Leo

I have a love/hate relationship with the birds. Chimney Swifts eat by flying through the air, catching things in their open mouths. So, it is hard to feed ours in its little cage. We need to pry its mouth open and stick in the worms. Everyone else seems fine at it, but my sausage fingers have a hard time prying open its mouth and keeping it open long enough to get the worm ready. It takes me about 15 minutes to get it to eat 5 worms, and I feel like I crush it while I do it.

The Chimney Swift prepares for a drawn-out force-feeding.

I love the Red-eyed Vireo. When I come out to the bird food stand outside, he flies onto my shoulder, chirping madly and opening his mouth. I'm trying to teach him to pick up his own worms. He's doing better but I think he'll be staying in the backyard a bit longer. During 2 tours today the Vireo landed on people. Grace, an intern, was giving a tour and the Vireo came onto her shoulder, begging for food. When Andy, another intern, was giving a tour, the Vireo landed on an old lady's head and she started freaking out. It upset her granddaughter and the kid began to cry. Mark told them to carry some worms on them so they can feed the Vireo in front of the guest. Butter them up so they're greasing their palms at the donation box at the end of the tour, I suppose!

Waiting for service

Free-loading

Here are pictures of some other patients and residents:

The Green Wing Teal wants to be in the water - even if it's his drinking water.

TJ, the resident Kestrel, and his bad eye

This poor li'l coyote has mange.

I've been cleaning out this big guy's cage - while he's still in it. He is not pleased.

If you are interested in sponsoring a resident animal or helping fund the hospital, find info on how to do so here: http://www.northwoodswildlifecenter.com/general/memberships.htm

The Business

2009-08-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

Wildlife rehab isn't about saving lives, it's about releasing wild animals back into the wild. We pretty much only get animals that would die, quite painfully, if left alone. And they are hard to fix.

“What gives quality of life to wildlife? The fact of being at liberty, however briefly and precariously, the ability to make all the choices, the fulfilling of an evolutionary role. And also the restoration of freedom when it was almost lost forever. But what about the ones that were permanently maimed? Is euthanasia the only answer? No, but it usually is the best answer. Euthanasia can be an end to pain and terror, a compassionate and moral alternative to a captive life so diminished in quality that its maintenance is really an act of cruelty. And when that damage makes freedom suicidal, and release irresponsible, the chances for a life of quality in captivity are narrowed to the very expensive for the few...But right at the beginning there is something you should know, even if it breaks your heart. For all your long hours, and the physical effort, and the expense, and the arguments with others over your priorities, and even your genuine affection for this creature, you have come to love, there will be one thing missing from its life. And if you leave the cage door open, it will opt for that one thing above all others that were provided, and it will walk out of the door to freedom, and its death. Because this is the way of all wildlife.” -K. McKeever

Minocqua 6 : Wild Thing

2009-08-24T16:38:00.000-07:00

We released my first animal today. A cute widdle bunny wabbit. Be free, bunny! Be free.

I fed the bears myself too. It was fun to chuck huge metal tins at them and clang pots together shouting. I don't know if we are allowed to insult them. Actually, we might be encouraged to insult them since we need them to dislike humans. Tomorrow I shall call the "No good hippies," which seems to be the ultimate insult up here in Minocqua.

I also caught my first bird! We have a common loon that needs to be transferred from his pond to his "isolation room" inside every night. It took my about 15 minutes because he kept diving into his pool and swimming round and round. When he knew what was up he double peddled and swam twice as quickly! But he had to come up for air sometime. 15 minutes later and with my jeans drenched, I transported the unhappy little guy victoriously. It was a good first capture, seeing as how he has no talons and all...

The morning dove I injected the other day died.

I also fed a bat. He needs to eat live worms though, which kinda mad me uncomfortable. At least I put the worms' heads in first so that they didn't have to be slowly eaten alive as the bat took his sweet, sweet time (about 5 minutes) to chew up the whole thing.

Tonight we release the bat, which apparantly had no injuries at all.

I also learned where the recycling center is, how to buy Center food at the Trig's grocery store, and how to bury euthenized animals. My Merlin, the first animal I examined, was put down yesterday and I took him out to the back to bury the litle guy. It wasn't a very graceful funeral though. I wasn't sure where to bury him. There was supposed to be a "pit," but I wasn't sure if I was in the right spot so I dug a little bit until I found some other corpses and then I knew I was in the right place.

I got my September schedule, and it is a humdinger. 7 days of work in a row followed by a weekend and then 6 days in a row. Whooee. That's lot of 12-14 hour workdays in a row...

I left my camera on a desk and here are 2 photos I found on it hours later:

Mark, the main rehaber, my boss

Meg, the other fall intern

Minocqua 5

2009-08-23T18:00:00.000-07:00

First day as a trained intern. These guys pooped and peed all over me about 4 times in a row.

The gray squirrels kept farting loudly in the background the whole time.

The baby flying squirrel is hilariously adorable. When you feed him with the eye dropper he swims with his front arms frantically like he wants to fly or swim as he's sucking down his formula.

Then I learned how to feed the owls all by myself. It involves cutting about 7 rats in half (trying to gauge the cutline so as to best not have their livers spew all over) and piling about 10 black mice on top of those on a plastic ice cream tub top. Sprinkle with vitamins, chill, and serve. The owls are cool. They see you coming from far away and start clicking at you, warning you to stay away. But they don't attack, just puff up and make noises. Sometimes fly around.

Then I learned how to feed the bear cubs. We do our best to make them not like humans, which is hard when we feed and take care of them every day. So after cutting up 4 huge barrels of fruit we scream at them and bang pot together to scare them away. A couple of them don't seem too frightened, which is bad.

A couple animals died today. The Merlin I examined 2 days before had a break in his wing right by his joint, so the rehaber put him down. An American Kestrel that just had a part of his wing amputated, to whom I applied ointment the night before, was found dead today in his cage.

I also did my first food tube. An amazing, huge bald eagle came in. He probably has West Nile or lead poisoning. We made this food mush out of water, canned cat food, and vitamins. The rehaber prepared the food and I set up the tubes. While others held his beak open I put the tube down into his belly and put in 180 cc of food. it went very well and they said that's the best they've ever seen an intern do on their first try. Hooray! Something I don't fail at!

We released a Verio birdie into our property yesterday. We had been feeding him once every hour in a cage here at the center for a couple weeks now. I love him. Every time I go out to put food in the bird feeder and worms out on the "public" bird platform, the Verio comes and freaks out at you. He landed on my head and almost on my shoulder too. He stand right by your hand and opens his mouth. I guess he doesn't want to eat by himself quite yet so we drop some worms in his mouth for him until he flies away to digest and wait until the next hour!

We got a call from a local lake-side restaurant. Someone found an injured Gull while boating and wanted us to pick it up. I volunteered to go in the car to get him. We have an official Animal Rescue van, and I felt very powerful. I wish the van had a siren. The Gull has some wing troubles, but we are keeping it for the night.

The fawns are also incredibly adorable. I love feeding the deer their formula. All but 2 of them rush over to us and pick a bottle and suck madly. I can't imagine being a mother deer. My teets would fall off.

I had a nice relaxing half hour on this beautiful sunny day where I picked clover, dandelions, and plantain leaves for the bunnies. I enjoyed that. And I am much more confident in my ability to find these plants than I am in my ability to find the Aspen and Hazel branches we give to the porcupine and deer.

I didn't realize that basically every animals we got in would be here because of people. At least half of these animals are hit by cars. Others have shotgun pellets in them, others are hurt by pets, others eat fishing hooks, and others eat animals with lead bullets in them and get lead poisoning. So far no animals have come in that have fallen out of trees, been attack by another animal, or have just fallen and can't get up.

It's 5:52pm and I only have 7 minutes before I need to go feed birds again and take care of the loon. After that, I can make some dinner. Then, at 8pm, it's feeding time again! These animals eat so much better than I do. It's very discouaging to spend 4 hours a day cutting up fresh fruit and veggies for bears, deer, and bunnies and then going home to fix yourself up some grilled cheese and cereal.

PS: I really suck at feeding squirrels. But, I seem to be quite spectacular at cutting up rats...

Minocqua 4

2009-08-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

The Merlin has made it through another day. He has a dislocated humorous, which is serious, but we'll do our best.

One of our red squirrels died today. I fed the red squirrels last afternoon. Here begins the constant inevitable wonderings of "Did I kill him somehow?"

Today was my day off and I slept for 13 hours total. Now I lay in bed trying to get tired so i can be well-rested for my first day as a "fully-trained" intern here at the Northwoods Wildlife Rehabilitation Center.

Minocqua Day 1

2009-08-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

After listening to George Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London" book-on-tape for 5 hours in my car, I arrived. The city of Minocqua kinda looks like what might happen in Wisconsin Dells had sex with a truck stop. "Population: Unincorporated" it reads when you enter the city limits.

Surrender - by Christine

2009-04-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

The Lord told me to surrender. But that's easy to forget.
Life passes like a kidney stone
when running back and forth in the cars of a moving train.
Bad stuff won't stop happening,
and rest will never come,
until I realize I'm mortal,
and not all that powerful,
and let go.
We don't reach heaven by scrambling
and toiling
to build the tallest tower;
We reach heaven by stop being afraid

2009-04-22T02:02:00.000-07:00

Hey now. Hey now....It's not premarital sex if you don't plan on getting married.

An Old Poem

2009-04-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

A simple doughnut
That is I,
but they always reach for the pie.
'Cause she hides all her innards,
see?
And eaters don't care
for the hole in me.

Good Words

2009-04-22T01:58:00.000-07:00

Some people develop a wishbone where the backbone should be.

A Survey Question From 2005

2009-04-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

Do you like to dance? - Yes...but not the kind when someone shoots at your feet and makes you dance.

An Old Poem

2009-04-22T01:48:00.000-07:00

If it’s cold,
You need a coat.

If it’s wet,
You’re in a moat.

If it’s dry,
You need a drink.

If you’re dumb,
Then you don’t think.

If you’re in pain,
You need a pill.

Will you eat it?
‘Cause I sure will!

An Old Poem

2009-04-22T01:47:00.000-07:00

I'm as dirty as a ham
And I don't care!
I'm as sick as a roast,
And I don't mind to share.
I'm as lazy as a chicken
(But so are you)
So let's get together
And barbecue!

Best to keep in mind

2009-04-22T01:14:00.001-07:00

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

2009-04-22T01:01:00.001-07:00

-My birthday's coming up and, sigh, I just know Ron's gonna get me flowers.
-What's wrong with that?
-It's like he expects something for giving me flowers, and I really don't feel like spending the rest of the week on the floor with my legs over my head.
-Don't you have a vase?

I Remember Arabic

2009-04-22T00:57:00.001-07:00

Right in the middle of the lesson and in front of our professor, a boy yawns. "You are supposed to cover your mouth and say 'Afwan' when you do that," she says. "Sorry, afwan." Then this other boy says, "afwan!" Moneera responds, "You have to yawn or sneeze or cough or something first before you say 'afwan', you don't just say it, you need to do something first." He replies, "Oh, you don't know what I did!"

2009-04-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

Deseo que alguien me encuentre llorando.
Dejaré la puerta abierta un poco por accidente,
Y entrará furtivamente adentro.
“¿Por qué estás llorando?” le preguntará a la cara en la almohada.
Me fingiré mentir y le diré que tengo algo en el ojo.
Pero por supuesto no me creerá,
Y no desearé que me crea.
“Nada, déjame en paz,” gritaré.
Pero no se irá.

Deseo que no se vaya siempre.

Y me sostendrá en los brazos,
Acunará mi cabeza en las manos,
Y me susurrará, “No te preocupes;
No estás sola.”

2009-04-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't.

Dream Journal #2

2009-04-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

I’m in some mall being strapped into what looks like a torture table. My head is covered and I start to panic. They inject me with a numbing agent and raise me up. They put a knife into the first few layers of skin on my face, cut, and peel off the skin on my face. I look in a mirror, and I still look pretty normal. “It’s like a face peel,” I say. They just give each other a look. They peel off two more layers, and when they show me the mirror, the entire lower half of my face is just a glob of muscle. I cannot speak, my teeth are somehow gone, and my jaw can’t be moved anyway. I freak out and try to scream, but I can’t. Then, a bunch of guys with guns come rushing in the building, and everyone goes into a panic. The guys who took away my face run away, and I can get up now too, and start running. At one point I want to get on stage to talk about Wookie mistreatment, but I can’t think of anything to say, and remember that I can’t speak anyway, so I sit back down.

Dream Journal #1

2009-04-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I had to face these “boss” machines. The one I remember best is when a neon rose was drawn in the sky. One man cried, “Look how beautiful!” I knew it was a dangerous sign, and saw a huge metal contraption that looked kind of like a futuristic tank fall from the sky. I shouted for everyone to get out of the way. No one was hurt. Then this man descended from the machine. Ryan ran towards him without hesitation and cut completely through his neck with a scissors. When the man continued to stand there, Ryan pushed the head over. Instead of falling to the floor, however, the head flew to the left quickly and, attached to the neck by an elastic tendon, snapped back into place. He said, “Do you think you can kill me? Look.” Then he grabbed the scissors from Ryan’s hand and cut off his own pinky finger like it was a poorly thawed hot dog. “You, on the other hand,” he said, “feel pain.” He cut off three of Ryan’s fingers without hesitation. “You, my friend, can indeed die.” Ryan was screaming in pain. I walked up to him only to watch the man cutting off every single one of his own fingers until the last knuckle. “Time for more!” He said, but Ryan and I pleaded with him to stop. We backed up into the circle of people, who were looking at their hands. I decided to lie low and keep my hands at my sides. “Who shall enter the circle?” He asked. Then he pointed to me. I complied. “Choose someone to lose all their fingers.” I refused. He said I must, and I said, “Me, then.”