But they told the director I could dance. That was the first thing.
I performed some pieces for my American friends who’ve lived in China for a while, and they said Chinese people would love my opera, any song I could sing in Chinese, and My Heart Will Go On. I didn’t have time to learn a Chinese song, so I tirelessly prepared some opera, My Heart Will Go On, Walking After Midnight, and Can’t Hurry Love. Found the karaoke, edited the tracks to be around 2 minutes, learned all the lyrics, and even made some mixes of both opera and pop music that I thought would be pretty entertaining!
The instant I got into the studio, the director pulled me to the stage, got about 4 people to watch me who also worked for the show, and said, “What are you singing? You can dance, right?” I said I had a couple options for songs, and of course (being Chinese), they rushed me. “Which one? Which one!?’ So I went through them, showing them first Ojos Asi by Shakira, a belly-dancing sounding fast pop song in Spanish.
I started to sing it to them when they said, “Show us your dancing!” So right there on the floor in front of 5 suspicious eyes I did some hip rotations and belly waves that I learned in my 30 minutes of belly dancing classes I had in 2005.
“Good. Good.” They said with serious, nodding heads.
“But!” I interjected. “I have other songs!” I put on the opera and started singing. I didn’t last 20 seconds.
“We like the first song. Show us your clothes.”
I take out the best clothes I had. A blue clubbing top and long black pirate pants. They were not pleased.
“Show us your shoes.”
My really old black high heels. I never noticed how scuffed and worn out they were before that moment. I shamefully felt my femininity in question.
“This is ALL you have? What size shoe are you?”
I told them my shoe size, they had a 2-minute freak out, and then I never heard about the shoe issue again.
But they did have some clothes for me.
A sparkly, shinny, puffy bottom, short, sleeveless dress. I looked like a bridesmaid from the 50s, or a 15 year old Mexican girl going to her qincinera party. It was not sexy.
But sexy is what they wanted. She took me to the stage and gave me some moves and poses. She turned on the music. “Now,” she said. “Dance.”
I tried to walk sexy, I tried to sing well, she kept shouting, “Sexy!” So I do more hips, more butt, more whatever, and lose my breath after only 30 seconds.
“Don’t worry so much about the song. Just have fun, be sexy. Dance!” I tried to explain that I was not a good dancer, and that if I tried to be super sexy I’d made a fool of myself. “No,” she said, “You are very sexy. This dress is sexy. Your hair will be up and long and sexy.”
The dress. It was impossible to be sexy in that dress. It puffed out after the waist so you couldn’t see my hips or butt move. I felt like I should sing a 50s Diana Ross mix, not Shakira. Finally I told her that the dress was nice, but I couldn’t be sexy in it. I either need a new outfit, or a new song. After about 15 minutes of arguing and a couple young Chinese guys on my side (“Dude, that is NOT sexy”), she agreed to let me wear a plain red dress I had stored in the bottom of my backpack. She didn’t like how it wasn’t shiny, but she relented.
She told me to practice my dance moves in the hallway. Meanwhile, she talked to Ryan in secret, telling him he should propose to me on TV. He said no way. She kept pushing it but finally said ok, he doesn’t have to, but was not pleased and swore him to secrecy about the conversation. He immediately came to me to tell me all about it.
That was a good decision.
After stressing out about the dancing and trying to figure out how to be sexy while not looking stupid and how to sing a fast song for 2 minutes while dancing fast, I decided to do whatever she wanted during the rehearsals, but that once the cameras were on I’d just dance a little and not worry about sexiness. I did the poses, I did some moves, I moved around, but I did not dance too much.
Then it was time for make-up and hair! That was fun. The other contestants stared at me the entire time. The artists wouldn’t use the hair clips I bought specially for the event. The director told me to say some things on the show. “When the host talks to you, tell him you like Jackie Chan, and that the host is not so handsome, but that he is lovely.” She practiced with me so my Chinese was ok, but I really had no idea when to say it or why I was going to call the host ugly. But she was letting me say I liked Jackie so I accepted it.
Time for the show! I finished the entire song, and didn’t do too badly, but it wasn’t the greatest performance ever. And I won $80 (I think – still haven’t gotten it). Then the host said some stuff to me, I said my bit to him, and then he told me to sing some opera. I chose Memory from Cats, and that went over really well. Much better than the Shakira song.
Then Ryan, who just wanted to watch from the audience, got pulled on stage. Before he got on the director said, “Just say you love her!” “Fine,” he thought. Of course, everything in China escalates beyond control in the matter of seconds, and his short “I love you” ended up being a mock kung fu fight with the host and a pressure to propose to me.
“Christine, I hear your boyfriend wants to propose to you!”
See why it was a good idea for Ryan to have told me about this before?
“You can propose now, Ryan.”
“Ummm…..”
I panic and say in Chinese, “Oh, I don’t know. Later! Later!”
For reasons I don’t understand the audience clapped and we got to leave. We immediately left the studio and didn’t look back. Ryan was not too happy with the proposal bit after he clearly told them not to do it beforehand, and I was sick of the place and the people there.
I was glad to get on the show, I actually enjoyed being on the stage, but it was obvious the show was completely controlled by the director and not at all by the performers. Maybe that’s show biz in China. Maybe that’s show biz everywhere. It was an interesting experience in the best state of mind, and an excruciatingly frustrating experience in the worst. We both had a little bit of both states of mind throughout our 8 hours in the studio.
That was last week. As of now 2 people have recognized me on the street and a Chinese friend I had in high school saw it and called my school up asking for me. Not too shabby!
Well, now that you know the back-story, here’s the clip:
http://v.iqilu.com/content/index/306552
