Chinese Restaurants

We had some humiliating fun this afternoon at restaurants in Qingdao, China. We can read maybe 10 or so Chinese characters that are about food. So we were thinking we'd just go to a restaurant and try to look up the food on the menu and order something that didn't seem gross. You know, for educational purposes. It felt like it should be so easy.

So we sat down, menus already on the table, and the waiter came with a pad of paper. Ryan ordered a beer and I ordered a Coke without much incident. But he didn't leave. He was waiting for us to order food right away too. We tried for about 15 minutes (and with 4 different waiters) to explain that we need some time. Finally, I said in Chinese the winning sentence to convey this: "Right now we don't know what to eat."

Then we proceeded to try to translate the menu. Not much luck. Ryan knew the word for "head" so we avoided anything with that. Otherwise, we were pretty much out of luck. Waiters kept coming and speaking to us. Finally, after about 30 minutes, I looked at the people next to us and asked, "What is that?" It didn't look so bad and I was getting too hungry to find something in my dietary plan. I reached over the people and pointed to their food: "This!" And then pointed to the menu: "Where is it?" They pointed to an item on the menu and I said, "I want!"

2 minutes later a waitress came out with a pot of hot water (no tea though, just hot water) and a bowl of pieces of meat in sauce. "Ok," I said.

"I want rice."
"No rice."
"Oh."
"We have ??????"
"Ummm. Ok."

Then the lady came out with some dough in a bag for me. I paused and examined, and after a while just said, "Ok." She took it back and I felt relieved that she was going to bake it. But of course she didn't. She put it in the microwave. Plastic bag and all.



I dug into the meat dish. Bones. And lots of em. But this wasn't the first time I had had to eat around hundreds of tiny bones in a Chinese dish so I wasn't surprised. What did surprise me was when Ryan said, "I see the head."



Sure enough. Beak, eye socket, skull. Later we found the spine and feet. Ryan didn't eat any more after that, but I kept eating. I got a second order of hot dough in a bag.

To give it credit, the flavor was not bad. But it really wasn't what I saw those other people eating. I wrote it down to ask someone else later what kind of bird I ate. We suspect pigeon.

So we paid our $4.50 and went on our way to find Ryan some food. Not feeling so adventurous anymore, we went to a place called "Pizza Loves Donburi." They had pictures! And English translations! And the pictures and translations were of pastas, milkshakes, pizzas, and pies! Well, I was already full from my bowl of heads so I got a strawberry milkshake and Ryan got some beef and rice dish. In the end, the price was the same as at the other restaurant! About $5. We shall remember this place.



Before they brought the food they told us the amount on the bill. I said okay. They brought out another pot of hot water. Then a waitress came up to us and started talking. We had no idea what she was saying. I got the feeling she was asking about tea and what kind we wanted. Of course! That's why they kept bringing out pots of hot water. They expected us to order tea with every meal. I thought she was asking what type I wanted and I said, "I don't know. The best!" She said, "32 yuan" (about $5). "Oh, no thank you. Umm." After more awkward stares we said, "We don't want. We don't need." She got really confused and got some more waiters to help. "32 yuan," the next waiter said. "No, no. Too expensive." They looked more confused. In English they said, "Food, 32 yuan."

"Oh!" And we paid them.

I pulled the waitress aside before she could leave. I tried to ask, "This water. Why?" She didn't understand. "It's tea, right?" "Uhhh." She looked even more confused.

I tried again in my limited Chinese. Literally, I asked, "The water, what to do with the water?"

She replied, ".....You drink it."

"....Oh. Ok, thank you."

After laughing really hard while listening to the girl also laugh with the others in the kitchen, I recalled that Chinese people don't like to drink cold things with hot food. So maybe they drink hot water. Also, maybe it was tap water and they boiled it first then brought it right out after it was safe to drink.

Anyway. No one here speaks any English, and with my very, very limited speaking abilities (and 0 reading abilities), its hard to get what you want. But it's good for lessons in humility and for laughs after the fact.